Please Come Back
by Comesailaway27
Summary: This is a JOGAN fanfic, based on CP Coulter's Dalton. If you haven't read it, GO! This is loosely based on the song "If You Ever Come Back" by The Script.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is the first Jogan thing I've ever written. I like it, but it's depressing as hell. **

**It goes with the song If You Ever Come Back by The Script. **

PLEASE COME BACK

Hearing the apartment door open, Logan looked up from his drink suddenly. "Julian?" he called out hopefully, desperation evident, a repeat of every time anyone came in.

"No Lo, it's just me" Derek called back, sighing as he glanced at his mess of a best friend. Julian had been gone for 8 months now, and Logan still lived like the actor had just run to the corner store for milk. "How long has your door been unlocked?" he set down the groceries he brought over and opened the fridge, unsurprised when all he found was beer and a few open take-out contains that he'd brought over on his last visit.

"I don't lock the door. He left his key. If I lock the door, he can't get in. You know that, D" Gaunt, pale, shoulders slumped and eyes dark, the once-proud prefect walked into the kitchen and grabbed another beer. Derek didn't know how many he'd already consumed, but he could smell the alcohol pouring from the other man from across the room. Popping it open, Logan slurped off the top before slumping against the counter. "The light is always on, the door is always unlocked. Just in case I'm asleep or gone when he gets here, I want him to be able to get in. You know that." The utterly desperate, defeated look on Logan's face broke Derek's heart. He didn't even need to take his medicine anymore. It was as if Julian had ripped out all the passion Logan was capable of and packed it with his toothbrush. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Logan and Julian got together senior year, then got their apartment after graduation. They were supposed to stay together. But Julian decided he couldn't handle loving Logan: couldn't handle the fits and the medicine skipping and the confusion. He couldn't handle staying when things got hard, not like he thought he could, and so he left. He had left Logan alone and fled to Hollywood, where the emotions were shallow and easy to process. Last Derek heard he was living with his co-star, Cameron something, from the show.

He couldn't bring himself to tell Logan.

Logan who didn't lock the door in case Julian came home.

Logan who wouldn't listen when someone told him how long he'd been gone.

Logan who hadn't eaten for two weeks after Julian moved out.

Logan who couldn't accept that Julian wasn't coming back.

Derek had intercepted all the emails Logan sent for the first month after the break up. They all said the same thing:

"Julian. If you ever find yourself in a place where you're not ok, if you ever think about me, if you ever need anything, if you ever can't be alone: I'll leave the door on the latch if you want to come back. They'll be a light on in the hall if you ever come back. We can pretend this never happened. There'll be a smile on my face, and it'll be like you were never gone. Just please come back, Julian.

Please? "

He looked at Logan, a pale imitation of his former self, his fire gone. "I know, Lo, I know."

Julian had no idea what he'd done when he left, and he never would.

He was never coming back.

**There's a sequel, but it's not quite finished. It's both smuttier and happier. **


	2. Chapter 2

Unlocking his iPhone, Julian Larson noted the little red 1 next to his mailbox app. The only emails that were sent directly to his phone came from his personal account, and there were more people in the world who knew his blood type than that email address. Tapping the icon, the actor blanched when he saw the sender.

**Derek Seigerson. **

_Shit._ Julian thought, blowing out a breath slowly. He hadn't heard from his former classmate in months, not since… not since everything had happened. He still remembered the exact wording of the last conversation he'd had with the man.

_"Julian, I don't think you understand. He hasn't eaten anything in days. He's going to kill himself, and it won't even be on purpose. Please, just come back and explain it to him?"_

_ "Derek, I can't. I can't go back. I can't talk to him. Do you know how hard this has been for me? You think I'm having a damn good time leaving the man I've been in love with since I was 14? Look, I just couldn't handle everything and him at the same time, alright? He'll get over it. _

_ "Are you fucking kidding me, Jules? We aren't in school anymore. You can't just fucking disappear without a word when things get a little tough. We graduated. We're adults. Start fucking acting like one. Come back here, and explain this to his face. _

_ "I…. I just… I just can't do it. I can't. You don't understand." _

_ "No, you're right. I don't fucking understand" _

Blinking slowly and taking a deep breath, Julian selected the email.

**Julian, I know you said you couldn't deal with it, and that you wouldn't talk to him, but he hasn't gotten any better. He hardly eats; he doesn't lock the door **_**in case you come home**_**. He's a fucking wreck. This is the email he kept trying to send you after you left. I thought eventually he would get over you. I guess I was wrong. You need to know what you've done. **

"Julian. If you ever find yourself in a place where you're not ok, if you ever think about me, if you ever need anything, if you ever can't be alone: I'll leave the door on the latch if you want to come back. They'll be a light on in the hall if you ever come back. We can pretend this never happened. There'll be a smile on my face, and it'll be like you were never gone.

Just please come back, Julian.

Please? "

**Just… think about coming back, ok? You don't have to stay, but please come talk to him. Give him some closure. You owe him that much, at least. **

** -D**

Julian set his phone on the set's catering table and shut his eyes. It had been _eight months._ He was finally starting to accept his decision. Why did Derek have to do this _now?_

"Hey, are you ok? What's wrong?" Cameron asked, placing his hands softly on the younger man's shoulders and attempting to look in his eyes. Julian looked up, eyes swimming, and wordlessly handed over his phone. When Cameron finished reading the message, he looked back at Julian in time to see tears begin to fall down his face.

"I've got to go back, Cam. If he's really still that bad… Derek's right. I need to be a grown up." The actor wiped his eyes and took back his phone. "I'm going to book a flight now; I shouldn't be gone more than a day or so, and I'm done filming for the week. Will you cover for me?"

As always, the older man was unable to resist doing whatever Julian asked of him. After eliciting the promise, Julian looked back at his phone.

**I'm coming. Don't tell him. **

**-J**

3 hours later, Julian found himself standing in the security line at LAX, sunglasses on and hat in place. It was a Wednesday afternoon, so the airport was relatively empty, but the actor hadn't wanted to take any chances. Running on autopilot, he handed over his ID, ignoring the raised eyebrows of the TSA agent, then stripped off half of his clothes. Julian went through the metal detector with rolled eyes and quickly picked up his necklace, jacket, shoes, and duffle bag. There as an area full of benches a few yards away and a sock-footed Julian headed that way. After putting his shoes, jacket, and belt back on, he looked at the necklace in his hand. It was a simple thing, just a silver ring on a chain, but it meant so much. It was the ring Logan had given Julian the day they graduated as a promise to try, a promise that he would make them work, a promise to love him no matter what. Eight months later, Julian couldn't get rid of the ring and Logan couldn't get rid of the promise. Eyes closed, he clasped the chain back around his neck. He continued on to his gate and boarded the plane, settling in for the 4 hour flight. He didn't plan to think on this trip, and dozed off before the plane left the ground.

When the plane touched down in Chicago, Julian woke with a start. He straightened his glasses and hat before checking to make sure he had all his belongings together. _Well, _he thought, _this is it. I'm back. _The sleepy man disembarked the plane and bypassed baggage claim, headed straight for a cab to take him back to a place he thought he'd left for good. After giving the driver Logan's address, Julian let his mind travel over all the things it had managed to suppress. How would Logan look? How would the apartment look? Would he be angry? Would the neighbors still be the same? What would he say when Logan answered the door? He decided to go with the classic, "I'm back, you sorry bastard!" in an attempt to insert some humor into the situation, and then the cab pulled to a stop in front of his old building.

"Thanks, man." Julian paid the driver and got out, stopping on the sidewalk to look up at his former home. The building looked exactly the same: tall, rectangular, red brick. Taking a fortifying breath, he headed for the door.

"Mr. Larson?" The doorman asked, confused. He was sure the actor had moved out last year, and he certainly hadn't seen him around since Mr. Wright had stopped going to work.

_ "_In the flesh, Jake. Is Logan home?" It was comforting to see a familiar face in the building, to know that some things really didn't change. Butterflies were an understatement for the current state of Julian's stomach, and only pride kept him from running back to LA with his tail between his legs. He hadn't expected it to be this hard.

"Most likely. He doesn't leave much. Not since… just doesn't." He coughed, "You can go on up, if you like." Jake didn't know what had gone down between those two, but he spent enough time watching people to know that whatever it was had certainly been left unresolved.

"Ah, thanks." _He doesn't leave much. He doesn't leave much. _The words ran though Julian's head on repeat. What if Logan was worse than he thought? What if Derek wasn't being a little over-dramatic? Worried, Julian made it to his old door before he was ready. Screwing up all the meager courage he possessed, he reached out his fist and tapped on the door.

The door opened, and Julian's voice died in his throat. A man stood in front of him, but it couldn't be Logan. This man was painfully thin, with jutting cheekbones and sunken eyes. This man stood with spine and shoulders slumped, defeated. This man had skin with a grey pallor, and dull eyes. But it had to be him. His eyes were still green, behind the fog, and his hair was still the same blonde, if too long. It was Logan, but it wasn't the Logan he had left behind 8 months before. Derek had been right. Logan wasn't ok.

"Jul… Julian?" All it took was one word. His voice, scratchy and raw, full of desperation and disbelief and hope, pushed Julian over the edge. Wordlessly, he reached forward and grabbed Logan's face between his hands, pulling the confused man into a deep kiss. As Julian pressed up against the taller man, he couldn't help think that while Logan tasted the same, he felt all wrong. That's when the tears started.

Julian cried because of what he'd done to Logan.

Logan cried because Julian was finally _there. _

Julian cried because of how hesitantly Logan kissed him back.

Logan cried because he wasn't sure if Julian was real.

Logan pulled back slightly, eyes closed, keeping his forehead pressed against Julian's. "Jules? Are you… are you actually here? Are you real?" He had to check. He couldn't let this go any further if it was all in his head. It would be far worse tomorrow than it was worth now to keep going. Logan had learned that lesson the hard way. Julian's heart broke again at the timid questions. _He doesn't even think I'm real? What have I done?_

"I'm real, Logan. I'm real, and I'm back, and I'm sorry, and I love you." All plans of giving a simple explanation and leaving were gone. He couldn't leave again. He couldn't even entirely remember why he left the first time.

That was all Logan needed. He dived back into the salty kiss, trying to make up for the past eight months without the other man, trying to transfer all his grief and pain and heartbreak. Julian's mouth opened, and the familiar feel of Logan's tongue across the roof of his mouth brought more tears, and more lust. He began to walk forward, hoping like hell that no one had rearranged the furniture.

Lips harsh and desperate, hands roaming, bodies pressed firmly together, the couple hit the bedroom door with a thud. Breaking the kiss, Julian pulled Logan's stained t-shirt over his head before reaching for the knob. The blonde was being surprisingly passive, and allowed himself to be pushed back onto the bed that Julian recognized as the first piece of furniture they'd ever bought. Straddling Logan on his knees, Julian used one hand to tug at Logan's sweat pants and the other to unbutton his own shirt.

"I love you." Logan whispered, eyes closed and tears still damp on his cheeks. Julian paused and looked down at the man beneath him. He was all ribs and sternum and skin, any muscle or fat lost to depression. Taking a deep breath, Julian settled on top of Logan, placing his forehead on the bony chest under him. _I did this. This is all my fault. I broke him. _Tears falling silently, Julian pressed his lips to Logan's skin.

"I love you." He said as he pressed another kiss next to the first. "I should have never left." Another damp kiss. "I am so sorry" Julian continued to kiss every square inch of exposed skin beneath him, uttering an apology with each touch.

Kissing each exposed rib.

Apologizing for every day.

Kissing his way up Logan's hard breastbone.

Promising to never leave again.

Kissing every inch of his gaunt face.

Telling him how much he loved him.

The more he kissed, the lighter he felt. All the darkness that had clung to Julian in his eight month absence fell away as he kissed his way across Logan's face. He kissed the tears from the other man's face before finally reaching his lips. Salt mixed with the taste of Logan that nothing could change, and Julian felt whole again.

"I was so fucking stupid, Logan. So stupid. You're my home." It was Julian's turn to close his eyes, forehead rested against the other man's. That was all Logan needed to hear. His eyes flew open, and he sprang into action. Locking his arms around Julian's back, he rolled them over with a growl.

"Mine. You. Are. Mine." His growl was punctuated with more kisses, and more tears. Julian looked wide eyed at the man above him. Something of the Logan he knew flickered in his eyes before the blonde lowered his head and began kissing is way down the actor's body.

Kissing his tan collarbone.

Forgiving him for leaving.

Kissing the flat plane of his stomach.

Reminding Julian who he belonged to.

Kissing each of his jutting hip bones.

Telling him how much he loved him.

With every kiss, Logan felt himself returning. Felt like he was becoming himself again, the him that felt, and that loved, and that wanted. Unbuttoning Julian's jeans, he continued to kiss his way down the torso in front of him. Julian's boxers were tented, and the actor looked up at Logan with hooded eyes. Leaning up, Logan finished disrobing the other man. Staring, as if he still couldn't quite believe Julian was actually lying on their bed, he reached out slowly and rubbed his thumb over the head of his cock. Julian sucked in a breath and arched into the touch.

"Ahhh, shit, Logan. Missed you so much" He panted, as Logan regained his composure and wrapped his hand around Julian's length. Logan began moving his hand, pulling groans from the other man. Julian had certainly not been celibate since he left, he'd slept with plenty of (tall, blonde) people, but none of them had been everything Logan was. None of them had hands he'd watched since he was 14, or chests he'd cried on when he didn't get a role. None of them had made him want to cuddle up and stay the night afterwards. None of them had held his heart

"I love you so much." Logan murmured, "You're never leaving me again." He dipped his head back down and pressed a line of kisses from one softly pointed hip to the other. Suddenly, Logan shifted to the other side of the bed, stretching for the side table. Julian squirmed, hand instinctively reaching for Logan's head. He only chuckled and dodged the reaching fingers, pulling out lube Julian recognized from when he'd bought it. He lay his brunette head back, tanned body tense with anticipation.

A shudder coursed through him as he felt Logan's first cool finger push inside. "Yup, yeah mhm. Another one. Please" Julian huffed, arching his back and attempting to maneuver Logan's finger until he felt a stilling hand on his hip.

"Just… hold… still… for once." Logan breathed between dropping unhurried, still slightly salty kisses on Julian's upper thighs. Julian gave an indignant snort that quickly turned into a moan as Logan added a second finger. Logan waited patiently for him to stop moving, stilling his fingers and resting his chin on Julian. Reduced to panting and quivering with the effort of not wiggling, the frustrated boy let out a groan.

"Ok, I'm still. Now _do something_." There was an urgency in his voice, a reminder of how long it had been and the remaining instability between them. Logan pushed in a third finger as he slid up Julian's lean body to pull him into a searing kiss. There was still a disconcerting wetness on their faces, tears that had gone unacknowledged but still silently fell. Pulling away from his lips, Julian began to softly kiss the new tears from Logan's face as the other man twisted his fingers. "I'm ready. I want… I need to feel you inside me. Logan, please." Julian murmured, breathlessly, desperately.

Logan closed his eyes, nodding. He pulled his fingers out and Julian moaned, rubbing his cheek against the blonde stubble on Logan's. One hand splayed on Julian's ribs and the other on his own cock, Logan slid into Julian in one long, slow stroke. Both men groaned and searched for the other's lips, coming together in a deep heated kiss. Julian's tongue thrust into Logan's mouth, needing to take even as he was being taken. Unsheathing himself almost completely, Logan set a rhythm of deep, steady thrusts that had both men crying out before long.

"Jules, Jules, I'm gonna…" Logan's voice cracked and his body tensed, strokes losing their controlled pace and hands digging into Julian's hips. Julian buried his hands in Logan's overgrown blond hair and arched back as Logan hit _that spot_ and-

"LoganOhGodILoveYouOhgodYou'reAmazing" Julian shouted as he came, sticky liquid spraying across their chests. He tightened around Logan and felt his release as it shuddered through the other man.

Logan collapsed on top of Julian, absently kissing his collarbone as their bodies returned from liquid state and they regained their breath. Logan rolled over suddenly, facing the wall, back to Julian.

"When are you leaving?" He asked tonelessly, voice muffled by the pillow. Julian's eyebrows shot up, and he propped himself up on one elbow.

"Leaving?" He reached out and put a hand on Logan's shoulder, only to have it shrugged off.

"Leaving. Going back. When?" Still no tone, but now Logan's voice was reduced to a whisper. Julian sat up entirely and looked at Logan's still-prone form. Then it hit him. _Oh god. Oh god. He thinks I was lying before. He thinks everything I said was a lie. _Julian took a deep breath and closed his eyes,

"I was serious before, Logan. I'm not going back. Ok, well I'm going back to film for a bit, but I am serious about being back. I was a total fuck up before. I acted like a spoiled brat, I will never forgive myself, and I won't blame you if you can never forgive me. But… but I'm back to stay. If you'll have me." His eyes flew open as he felt arms wrap around him, and dampness on neck.

"You… you're really here. You're really back. You really came back to me." Logan sobbed into Julian's neck as the actor held him. Julian pressed his lips to the top of Logan's head as tears began to roll down his own face.

He'd made a horrible mistake, leaving Logan. He'd let his fear win. He'd broken the one of the only people who had always been there for him, and he'd spend the rest of his life repenting for that. But it was worth it. Logan was worth it. He'd come back, and he was never leaving again.


End file.
